Deteriorating
by rosemarried
Summary: Harry realizes that something is wrong with his godfather; he's slowly losing his memory, he's losing his head over smaller and smaller things... He doesn't know what he'll do if he forgets his partner, Remus Lupin, has been dead 5 years.


**Written for WizardWay's Ultimate Yaoi Challenge. The coupling is Sirius/Remus, which my goal is to make her fall in love with. I don't know if I've done a good enough job for that, but I've been waiting to write this forever and I think it was a good choice for this competition, so I hope so. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

Harry walked down the quiet London back street, the sound of Muggle cars from the main highway reaching his ears. It's was a cool day, the seasons in the midst of changing from summer to autumn. A gust of wind caused Harry to pull his light sweater tighter around him.

Harry was on his way to visit his godfather, the only thing close to family he still had. It used to be on these occasions he would bring his wife and small son, James, with him, hoping to cheer Sirius up for a while. After the Battle of Hogwarts, he had sunk into such a deep depression that Harry was certain these visits were the only joys he had, and had made them even more often, sometimes more than twice a week.

But things were changing. Sirius was still depressed, it was true, but he could go into rages that caused him to storm and start throwing things. At first, Harry thought it might be alcohol, as he had been known to have a problem with it in the past. But then Harry noticed his declining memory. It had started simple, forgetting the day or where he had put the pen he had just had, and had grown progressively worse from there. There had been a time when Harry had been visiting and had left the room to go to the bathroom quickly. When he returned, Sirius jumped.

"Gods, Harry, when did you get here?" Harry started.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Since when have you been here?" Sirius asked, a little more insistently. Harry hoped he was joking for a minute, but slowly realized he was completely serious. He stared at him, completely incredulous.

"Sirius... I've been here for over an hour." he said gently. Sirius squinted up at him for a minute.

"You have?"

That was when Harry had realized something was going on. Sirius wasn't very old, heck, he was still middle aged. There wasn't anyway this was simple old age. Something deeper was going on.

Harry spent every waking hour from then on trying to find out what it was he had and if there was any cure. He contacted St. Mungo's, but they had no answers for him. He asked private Wizarding doctors, but got nowhere with them either. Finally, he was forced to turn to Muggles, but he hadn't yet heard back from any of the doctors he had contacted. He hoped for a quick response; it was terrible to watch Sirius go through this.

Harry rapped on the door of 12 Grimmauld Drive. It was almost instantly opened by a a tall, thin man with long black hair tied back in a low pony tail. His face still held the shadows that Azkaban had brought on but was much healthier now, making it easier to see how handsome he had been in his youth even though it was now marked by small wrinkles around his mouth and eyes. His face broke out into a grin when he saw Harry.

"Harry!" he exclaimed, delighted. Harry felt relieved, as he always did when Sirius recognized him. He was so scared that one day, Sirius would think he was James. He wasn't sure what he would do then. "Harry, it's been so long! You look fantastic! How is little James?" Harry paled slightly, but grinned anyway.

"He's great, so is Teddy." he sincerely hoped Sirius hadn't forgotten Teddy. He wasn't sure he could deal with that. "Can you believe he's almost a year old already? And Ginny's pregnant again!" he told him. Sirius was remembering 5 months ago, when James was only 6 months old, the last time he had been here. Harry had been to visit him only 2 days ago, not to mention the multiple times before that. But Sirius didn't remember any of those. Sirius's grin became wider.

"That's great! Congratulations! Do you two have any names picked out?" he inquired.

"If it's a girl, she'll be Lily. But we're not sure about another boy name."

"You should name your boy after Dumbledore." he suggested. Harry considered the idea.

"That's... Actually a great idea." Harry said. He filed it away to mention to Ginny later, with a reminder not to mention the idea came from his delusional godfather. Sirius stepped aside.

"Come on in! You've been standing on that step long enough. I'll put on some tea for us." Harry made his way into the house. Inside, it wasn't exactly neat, but it wasn't a mess either. He sat down in a chair in the living room after tiptoeing past the portrait of his mother which had quieted down a lot after Sirius had told it that every time she screams, their fortune starts dwindling rapidly just to get her to shut up. Still, you could never be too careful, especially with a woman like Walburga Black.

Harry glanced around the familiar room and his eye was caught by a picture he hadn't seen before. A handsome, laughing, black haired boy of about 16 had his arm slung around another bloke, slightly taller, with tawny brown hair that fell into his eyes. After a second, Harry recognized the two to be Sirius and his best friend and boyfriend, Remus Lupin in their 6th year. The two picture versions leaned against each other grinning, and every once in a while would kiss each other. Harry felt his heart clench at the memory of his old Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He had been very important to Harry, still was important. He had taught Harry to perform the Patronus Charm in his 3rd year when dementors had been giving him trouble because of the memories of his parents deaths. Lupin had been the best Defense teacher they ever had. He learned more solely from this man then any of his other teachers combined.

Sirius emerged from the kitchen and set the teapot down on the table. "I made black tea, hope that's-" he caught where Harry was gazing and smiled gently at the picture. "I found that in my desk drawer. I don't know why I'd ever put it away. It's such a good picture. One of the only good ones James ever took." he poured tea into two cups for them. "It's too bad he couldn't be here today." Harry nodded. Sirius frowned and glanced up at the calendar.

"What is it?" Harry asked curiously.

"Oh, it's nothing really... Just that it's been 4 days since the full moon. Remus is usually back by now." Harry froze. His entire mind went numb. He couldn't think, couldn't feel for almost 10 seconds. By now, Sirius was staring at him, a worried frown on his face.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Harry slowly nodded, but his emotions betrayed him as a solitary tear fell down his face, dripping from his cheek onto his sweater. Sirius was now mildly alarmed. "By Gods Harry, what's wrong?" he paled. "Is it Remus? Is that why you came here?" he grabbed Harry by the shoulders suddenly, seemingly disappearing from the other side of the room and appearing again on his. "Harry, please tell me." be said urgently.

The grab snapped Harry out of his trance. He blinked up at Sirius as another tear made it's way down the other cheek. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. Sirius had the right to know. He couldn't deceive the man. It might spare Sirius for a little while, but what happened if he remembered again? He would know Harry had lied to him and he might stop trusting him. Then who would look after him? He took a deep, calming breath that only shook slightly.

When he spoke, his voice was much calmer than he expected. "Sirius, you need to know something." he started. He gently took the mans hands off his shoulders. "You should sit." Sirius collapsed into the chair next to him and stared expectantly. Harry had to take another breath.

"Sirius, 5 years ago there was a huge battle between Voldemort and his Death Eaters and The Order and even some Hogwarts students at Hogwarts." Sirius showed no recollection, but Harry was not surprised. He simply pressed on. "Many people died that day... I should have died, but somehow I didn't. But we lost so many amazing people; Fred Weasly, Tonks, Severus Snape..." Sirius made a face, but Harry didn't give him a chance to interrupt. "A-and Remus died as well..." his voice broke off when he saw the look on Sirius's face. It was too much. He couldn't speak anymore.

For a minute, Sirius couldn't speak either. He gaped openly at him, his face a mixture of incredulity, blatant disbelief, pain and anger. Each emotion battled for dominance and Harry waited anxiously to see which would come out victorious, but no idea which he would rather see there. Finally, it seemed anger and disbelief won.

"You're lying to me." he said, quietly at first, but soon on his feet shouting. "Why are you lying? What's going on that I can't know about?" Harry made no move to stand.

"Sirius I am so sorry. I... Everyone really misses him, your not alone-" but this only seemed to make him angrier. He pulled Harry up by the front of his shirt.

"Shut up!" he screamed. "Stop lying! Tell me where he is - now!" Harry wasn't used to his fits being so violent; he'd certainly never laid a hand on him before. Usually he just shouted and broke things.

"Heaven." Harry replied thoughtlessly. Sirius's face darkened. He threw Harry down on the couch in disgust.

"Fine." he said, storming out of the room and into the hall. "Fine then. You want to be a bastard, keep him from me, then have it your way. I don't know what the fuck your keeping from me but I'm going to find out and I'm going to fucking kill your ass." Harry stood in shock and walked slowly to the the doorway where he had disappeared and peered around the corner. Sirius had shrugged on his coat, still muttering to himself. He opened the door and slammed it behind him. Harry rushed to the door and swung it open to find Sirius hadn't moved anywhere. He stood on the front stoop, shoulders sagged. He looked down at the ground.

"Sirius?" Harry said tentatively. That was the moment when Sirius's knee's gave out and he collapsed to the ground, head hidden by his legs, arms wrapped around his middle, sobbing uncontrollably. Harry sat down next to him.

"I-I can't b-believe he's r-really gone." he choked out between sobs. Harry put his arm around his shoulders, wiping a tear out of his own eye. He couldn't bear to see him in such pain. "H-how can he b-be g-gone? H-Harry, w-what am I g-going to do w-without h-him?"

"What we've all been doing, I-I guess." Harry sniffed. "Be strong, visit often, and remember that they're not hurting anymore." Sirius choked out another sob and Harry rubbed his shoulder a bit.

"I-I'm not s-strong. Never-Never have b-been."

"Sirius, you're one of the strongest people I've ever known." he assured him. "I've had 5 years to get over it. But you've just found out. It'll get better. Just like it did before." Sirius turned his head to look at him.

"I-I knew before?" he asked. Harry hesitated before nodding.

"You did. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've been losing your memory lately." Sirius paused before nodding, sniffing and rubbing his eye.

"I've noticed." he said. "I hope I don't forget again, Harry, because I-I'm not sure if I-I can-can do this again." Another batch of tears leaked from his eyes. Suddenly, Harry had an idea.

"Sirius, do you remember Teddy?" he asked. Sirius thought for a moment, screwing up his face, either in concentration or an effort to hold back more tears, Harry wasn't sure. He sighed and shook his head.

"No, I-I don't think so." Harry patted his shoulder.

"It's alright." he said. "Teddy is your son. You and Remus had a surrogate. It was Tonks, actually. You two decided you didn't want to know who was the biological father, so you didn't have the baby tested after birth, but..." Harry paused, trying to think how to explain. Finally, he made a decision. He couldn't keep Teddy away from Sirius anymore, no matter how dangerous he could be. He couldn't keep the boy from his father. "Why don't you come with me? You can see for yourself."

* * *

Sirius walked a few steps behind Harry, nervous but excited. He was going to meet his son! He and Remus's little boy, Teddy. The feelings were simply overwhelming.

Harry opened the door and let Sirius go in ahead of him. "I'm home!" he called out. Ginny, with James in hand appeared from the living room, smiling. Her smile faltered slightly when she saw Sirius and she shot Harry a questioning look, but Harry just shook his head. Sirius hadn't noticed any of this. His eyes were fixed on the few steps of the staircase visible from where he was standing, waiting for the sound of little feet patting down the stairs to reveal the boy. Harry smiled as Teddy came into view and stopped for a moment, then gave a huge grin at the sight of Sirius.

"Daddy!" he squealed. Sirius stood in shock for a moment as the 6 year old threw his arms around him, but quickly recovered himself and hugged him back, a single tear leaking out of the corner of his eye. When Teddy pulled away and smiled up at him, Sirius noticed the eyes that hid behind his slightly messy teal hair. Amber colored, filled with warmth and innocence.

That was when he knew who's baby this was. And that he was never letting him go, no matter what.

* * *

_Dear Mr. Potter._

_Thank you for choosing Harland Private Medical Practitioner. You're health and the health of your family is very important to us and we hope to serve you well._

_The blood sample you sent to us has been tested by the best doctors available and we have diagnosed the disorder of Mr. Sirius Black as Huntington's Disease._

_Huntington's Disease can be compared to Alzheimer's in that it causes memory loss that worsens over time until the patient can no longer sustain themselves or remember anyone they have known. However, unlike Alzheimer's, which sets in in the senior years, Huntington's typically sets in during to middle ages. At 43 years old, Mr. Black is at the correct age to be affected by it. In addition to memory loss, manic spells are also common among Huntington's patients._

_Unfortunately, Huntington's Disease is a genetic disorder you must be born with to have and there is not yet any cure. It is a fatal, irreversible disease, and death comes about when the memory has degraded so far the body no longer remembers how to keep itself alive._

_We're very sorry._

_Sincerely,_

_David Harland, M.D_.


End file.
